When I was growing up in the sixties and seventies, most of our mothers were working at home. They were in charge of food shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, household projects and anything child related. My Mom was also very creative and a great problem solver so she took on many home projects.
In the picture above she’s just married my Dad and beginning their life together. Before they married and during the first years of marriage, she worked at a bank. At a time in the early 1950’s when men were in most all positions in the bank, she was the first woman promoted to bank teller. She quickly knew what it took to be successful in that role and was given the chance to prove herself. She did very well.
After getting married and relocating to a new state, Mom and Dad decided to start a family and agreed that she would stay home. That drive to work hard to do things properly and to succeed never disappeared, even though she never went back to work in a business. Mom was at home throughout my childhood and high school years. When she wasn’t working in our home, she was always creating and managing many home projects (designing and the landscaping their acre sized property) volunteering (raising $30K for a scholarship while living in Paris), actively participating in competitive sports/cards – (golf-3 holes in one and numerous club championships, USTA Tennis-semifinalists) and an avid bridge player. As far back as I can remember, she was always doing something, building something, fixing something or playing something competitive. Heck, she still is!
Although she wasn’t a working in a business, her approach to life taught me a lot about how to be successful in work. Although she probably thought I wasn’t always paying attention, I certainly was.
Here are a few of the career lessons my mother taught me:
You can learn to do anything you want to do. My mother always believed she could do anything she applied herself to. She built furniture, painted the house – both inside and outside, planted gardens, grew vegetables, fixed lawnmowers, sewed all kinds of clothing, cooked haute cuisine, reupholstered furniture, played in numerous golf and tennis tournaments – won many of them – and pursued all of her interests with passionate focus. I never saw my mother hesitate to try something new. She always made it look so easy that I believed the same. When faced with new opportunities that seem daunting, I always believe that something can be done.
Push through your fears. Maybe telling your child that they are a “scaredy cat” for not jumping off a high diving board might be up-setting to some, but it motivated me to reach beyond and try so many things. My Mom stood up for herself and showed me the power of being brave. As a child, I teetered between wanting to conquer the world and being so shy I was afraid to go to school. Getting me into some scary sports like skiing forced me to push through and eventually ski those steep black diamond runs. I learned that “fake it till you make it” can be a pretty good strategy.
Be tenacious, never give up. Even if you are losing a game, whether it was a tennis tournament or a golf match, or painting the house in the hot humid summer sun, you have to finish and not give up. I saw her do this over and over again, thinking to myself, isn’t she exhausted after working in the yard all day, or frustrated in not winning the tournament. No, she never gives up, and keeps up the focus until she’s done. I’ve been told that I am very tenacious when I am on task. This characteristic has allowed me to succeed in many areas when others just gave up.
Women aren’t equal This wasn’t a belief in my family. My Mom was the first female bank teller at her bank. Her unmarried Mother moved from Rhode Island for a couple of years to work in Washington DC during WWI. My philosophy and belief about equality in the workplace was founded on the strength of these two strong women. I never thought about this inequality, it just didn’t seem possible that I couldn’t achieve what I wanted. Not to say that inequality doesn’t exist and I did experience in equality during my career. However, it just has never had a voice in my aspirations.
Speak up, be confident and have an opinion. Never one to hold back her opinion, she showed me how her confidence makes a difference to others. She is still organizing golf tournaments because she is a good leader. People want to follow someone who is confident, competent and is steadfast when a difficult decision needs to be made. That debate class you made me take in high school (not my idea of fun at the time), changed my fear of speaking in front of others and then gave me the confidence to have a well thought out discussion and opinion. This has served me well during my career as a speaker and facilitator.
Morals aren’t situational. She was always clear on the dividing line between right and wrong. She taught me to do the right thing, even when it was hard. My moral compass may have lost direction a few times because of poor choices, but I always knew when I was on the “wrong side”.
Have fun. If you do it well, it can be fun, or make sure that you are having fun. Not sure if she ever said these exact words, but she certainly showed me that having fun with family, friends and interests was very important. I mastered the “fun” part outside of work years ago. Learning to have fun at work came along a bit later in my career. In my position as Executive Coach and Leadership Facilitator and Consultant, I couldn’t be happier. I recover more quickly from emotional upset, I laugh more often, and I notice all things that make me happy. This allows me to repeat them again and again, and to show passion for life to those I encounter.
I take these lessons to work every day. The things that have sustained me through my toughest times at work weren’t learned during university or career experiences. They were from a teacher who had and still has enormous impact.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom!!!!
See you soon for our new blog series. Stay tuned for more information next week.
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