“Courage is grace under pressure” – Ernest Hemingway
What is it like to lose? It’s tough, sometimes embarrassing and often times rattles our confidence. Our first instincts may be to hide, to blame others, or to sulk.
There’s no doubt that a Super Bowl loss is incredibly difficult. Having to bare that pain in front of the world must be awful. And as we learn, life doesn’t always go our way, no matter how diligent the preparation, how competent the skills or how intense the desire. Sometimes you simply lose. And it hurts.
What I have learned
If you lose, you have two options – you can either be a sore loser or a graceful loser. A sore loser gets angry, blames others, points fingers and sulks. A graceful loser, also gets angry, feels bad, then puts on a brave face, accepts defeat, congratulates the winner and then goes to work analyzing what they can personally fix for the next “game”. A graceful loser knows it’s important to put their heart and soul into every performance or work. To win or to lose is just the outcome of that passion.
Be Grateful for the Lesson
Whether you lost fair and square or whether you lost a behind-the-scenes political battle, remember that you were given the opportunity to compete. Even if you don’t believe you were given a fair chance, be gracious enough to appreciate the opportunity that you were given.
Being visibly unhappy and upset, like storming out of a meeting isn’t the behavior of a confident professional. Complaining and whining about the process to your peers and management after the fact does nothing to help you achieve your goals, and prevents you from being perceived as a team player. So what if you lost, everyone doesn’t win, it’s okay to be disappointed. But, you played, you got in the game. You developed the relationships. You took your shot. Give yourself a ‘high five’ for being in the mix.
How you handle your loss will be remembered by others and of course you will also remember how you handled the loss. When you look back, will you be proud of how you managed your emotions?
Never Give Up
Learn the lesson and then look for another opportunity to try out what you have learned. Ask for an audience with those who are not in your corner. Do all that you must to persist and grow. Resilience is the key to survival and for career growth.
It’s never really over . . . unless you behave badly.
Be Resilient
Even if you are upset and unhappy, and believe that you should have won and you believe you did everything you were supposed to do, bouncing back quickly is key to career growth. Your actions will determine whether or not you will have another chance to compete when the next opportunity arises. Trust me, there will be many more chances to compete.
At some point in the future, circumstances will change. Company needs will change. The environment will change. How you handled your emotions after losing will determine how you are thought of when another opportunity appears. If you handled the loss graciously and learned the lesson, you will be recognized as a leader and given another chance to compete.
Your gracious, appreciative, and professional behavior will be remembered.
Questions to ask yourself
- Look over the last year’s worth of lost opportunities at work. What lessons have you learned? What have you done to change how you handle these losses?
- How have you handled your emotions since your loss? Who have you asked for help?
- How will the way you competed and the way you handled losing be remembered? Will it be remembered as gracious, grateful, and professional?
Every one of us has failed or lost at some point in time. Learn from your defeat, let it go, stop blaming others and move on to fresh challenges.
The next time you win or lose, think of it as a chance to show good character. And decide…if you happen to lose this time, are you going to be a sore loser or a graceful loser? The later shows courage.
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